


Gunpoint

by yankeetooter



Category: Chernobyl (TV 2019)
Genre: M/M, Poetry, Sacrifice, Self-Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 05:21:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20886785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yankeetooter/pseuds/yankeetooter
Summary: Short poem based on whumptober prompt





	Gunpoint

**Author's Note:**

> Not as angsty as my poem about the animals from Chernobyl, but not far behind.
> 
> Boris has lots of regrets, but not Valery.
> 
> A poem of Boris' intentions, with an angsty end

Gunpoint

I didn't mean to cut you off.  
I was just desperate to solve Chernobyl.

I didn't mean to belittle you.  
I was just trying to save face.

I didn't mean to threaten you.  
I was insecure about my ignorance of the situation.

I didn't mean to endanger our lives.  
I was scared not to carry out my orders.

I did mean to stick up for you. I think I did okay with that. At least the look in your eyes said that I did.

I didn't mean to assert my authority in that way. It was not my decision and it hurt that I could not give you what you wanted. I hope the sand and boron softened the blow.

I didn't mean to show my fear so acutely. I felt so vulnerable, but you understood.

I did mean to give you space. I felt those deaths as acutely as you did.

I didn't mean to check out while we were making our plans. But you noticed, and you cared.

I didn't mean to leave you emotionally during the meeting. You stood by me the whole time, and I noticed.

I did mean to step up when you floundered with the diver's speech. How could I not, after what you'd done for me?

I didn't mean to snap at you. I was defensive about my lack of power.

I did mean to trust you on that phone call. Not one of my better ideas.

And, oh, I did mean to call you Valera. Meant it with my whole heart! And when you first called me Boris? Bared your vulnerabilities to me? I knew I had done the right thing.

I didn't mean to set you on Charkov. I was determined to solve that problem for you. And I was so scared for you!

I didn't mean to let you testify. I knew what that would mean.

I did mean to tell you how much I love you. The words wouldn't come, and I was stunned at what you had just told me. 

I didn't mean to enable your doom. I knew you needed to tell the truth, but I still didn't mean it.

I couldn't bear to watch you carted off...

I didn't mean to rush to your rescue. I just couldn't desert you.

I didn't mean to step in front of the guns. But they were pointing at you too.

I didn't mean to get shot. I didn't mean to do that to you or myself 

I'm sorry, Valera. I'll love you forever. 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry the formatting is messed up. I couldn't figure out how to fix it.


End file.
